Whispering to herself "Do I deserve it?". What wrong did I do to anyone? Was I not enough for him? Heart broken by her dreams of wedding being shattered. She was confused.... Will decisions be changed? She was hopeful in her heart this agony and shame will be over.
She got up in the morning unwilling to leave for work. With a heaviness in her heart she left for work. There was good friend of her who would tell her of Jesus Christ. Looking at her friend she recollected her moments when she had a intimate relation with Christ seven years back. And how she broke that relationship for things of the world. She was at a juncture where she knew even Jesus Christ would have not saved her.
With guilt in her mind, she walked over to her friend and told her everything happening in her life. With tears in her eyes, she told she cannot live with agony and shame in front of her folks. Just then her friend told her about how Jesus was nailed for her sins and how HE took on Cross all her sufferings. She doesn't have to carry all this burden since Jesus told that HE will carry for her. After getting all important reference she was consoled. Unbelieving this would help her, she promised to read the Bible and pray.
Back at home she wanted to talk to someone. Being never loved, guilty feelings of broken past relationships started ruling over her.Moreover, this wedding, seemed like the only ray of hope while looking back to her past relationships. The shattered dreams of this wedding left her with no other thoughts than, "SUICIDE" . There was so much she wanted to cry out and tell SOMEONE about her horrible past. Thoughts about THE LOVE OF CHRIST(which her friend had shared)came flooding into her mind . "JESUS DIED FOR ME AND FOR MY SINS, WHEN HE WAS BEATEN UP, WHEN NAILS WERE DRIVEN INTO HIS HANDS AND FEET, HE THOUGHT ABOUT ME !"She knelt on the ground and shouted 'JESUS I want you'! She started crying out loud. With all the guilt in her mind she poured her heart out. She was shaking as all the pain and hurt came out of heart. She wept as peace of Christ was just flowing through her. When, she opened her teary eyes she knew she was different. There's lightness in her Spirit she felt free :) !
As she opened her dusty Bible she found in Isaiah 1:18
She read it and knew it instantly 'There's nothing she has done that God cannot forgive'. She marvelled in the joy of the Great Salvation :)!
She took a bold stand for Jesus. She committed her life to Christ and crucified her old self. Having the realisation of being Born Again, she marvelled with joy. Thus, started her journey with Christ. Hopes about a future,dreams about a marriage, desires of a loving family bloomed in heart. It felt like the fresh dew drops. Christ showed her the person that HE had chossen for her. But, she couldnot believe it."Isn't he too good for me ?" she argued with God. But amazingly, God brought them together and he became her spiritual mentor. She started growing in Word and built herself on the Solid Rock of Christ.They curised together in the LOVE OF CHRIST.
As she looks back over these six months the course of life that God has changed for her is significant. Blessings over blessings HE has showered upon her.Gave her a new bunch of friends. Gave her a new fellowship and loving people all around. Fun, Enjoyment, Forgiveness, New life ...all this she could only dream. She has no more guilt in life. Miracles upon Miracles, signs upon signs, wonders upon wonders, HE broke her unbelieving soul. HE told her when you are Born Again you have renewed physically, mentally and spiritually in Christ.
Now, when she counts all the blessings Jesus has showered upon her she knew its not because of her good living or any act of her righteousness but just for HIS AMAZING GRACE. She humbly looked onto the CROSS and asked........Do I deserve it?
